<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Loving, Forgiving by purplebass</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28113750">Loving, Forgiving</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplebass/pseuds/purplebass'>purplebass</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:01:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,454</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28113750</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplebass/pseuds/purplebass</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas and Anna take baby Alexander to the zoo, and he also opens up to her about people he's missing...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Loving, Forgiving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thomas hadn’t been able to distract himself, and he spent the night wide awake, his eyes on the ceiling. Something had been bothering him ever since the night before, and it didn’t let him sleep. He didn’t have patrol, but no one of the merry thieves could meet him at the Devil’s Tavern to get his mind off things. He decided that he needed to do something after dawn. He couldn’t bear to spend another day worrying.</p><p>“Aunt Cecy,” Thomas said when he arrived in the kitchen of his uncle and aunt’s house. She was alone, her youngest lain with his head on her shoulder.</p><p>She turned, grinning. She didn’t look like she had slept much either. “Thomas, it’s you,” she said, and grabbed a bottle with milk. “Here, Alexander,” she told the baby, touching his cheek, and he raised his head, taking the little container with one of his tiny hands.</p><p>“Do you always wake up early, aunt?” Thomas wondered, taking a jug filled with water and pouring himself a glass.</p><p>“No, not every day,” she said. “It depends on when Alexander wakes. Today, he decided that the crack of dawn was the perfect time to ask for his milk, and since it was already clear outside, I decided to come here to prepare his bottle.”</p><p>Thomas smiled at his little cousin. He was drinking his bottle with determination. “What about uncle Gabriel? Couldn’t he do it?”</p><p>“Oh, he does it almost every day, believe me,” Cecily explained. “But last night he went on patrol, and he returned when Alexander started fussing. Perhaps he knew that his father was back, I don’t know,” she shrugged, cleaning the side of the baby’s mouth with a towel. “By the way, I wanted him to rest. What about you, Thomas? Is there something wrong?”</p><p>Many people had asked him that question in the last four months. Every one was concerned for him, but he didn’t want them to worry too much. “No, aunt. Nothing. I’m just full of energy today, that is all,” he smiled at her, and she nodded. Then he had an idea. “Would you mind if I took Alexander to the zoo today?”</p><p>“Not at all Thomas. He’d like it. He’s never been to the zoo.”</p><p>“Perfect,” he agreed. “Then I’ll go get ready and we’ll leave,” he said.</p><p>“Wait, Thomas,” Cecily started, but he was already leaving. “It’s only six in the morning...”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Thomas wanted to ask Christopher if he wanted to come with him, so he waited for his cousin to wake up.</p><p>“I’m close to finishing something, Thomas. Another time,” Kit said, and Thomas thought about asking someone else to accompany him… but who? Luckily for him, someone decided that was the perfect day to visit their parents.</p><p>“Thomas, what are you doing here with my baby brother?”</p><p>It was Anna.</p><p>“We were going out,” said Thomas, checking Alexander’s things. “To the zoo.”</p><p>“I love animals,” Anna replied. “Can I come?”</p><p>“Of course, Anna,” he agreed. He didn’t tell her, but he was happy to go with her.</p><p>“Let me say hi to my parents first, okay? Unless they are still in bed,” Anna winked, and Thomas rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>A few hours later, they had seen almost every animal present at the zoo. Alexander was liking it. Thomas noticed that he loved zebras and giraffes, and promised him to get him a stuffed animal in one of those famous mundane shops downtown.</p><p>Being with his cousins was helping him distract, but it wasn’t enough. He tried to keep a smile on his face wherever he and Anna exchanged a glance. He also tried to keep the conversation on general topics, steering away from the ones that were bothering him, but Anna started to get suspicious at some point.</p><p>“Something is troubling you, cousin,” Anna said, lowering her voice as they stopped in front of the elephants. “That’s why you wanted to come here.”</p><p>Thomas shrugged, and looked at Alexander in the black pram. He had fallen asleep. Ah, to be little like his baby cousin again. “I’m exhausted,” he answered. “And powerless.”</p><p>“Did you have patrol last night?”</p><p>“It’s not that kind of exhaustion,” Thomas confessed. He was already moving away from the spot, Anna walking by his side with her hands in her pockets. They weren’t glamoured, and a few people stared at them while they passed. It wasn’t every day to see two people who towered everyone else with their height. “I’m missing someone. It’s complicated.”</p><p>Anna glanced at the ground and smiled to herself. Thomas thought she understood what he meant well, and perhaps the feeling applied to herself as well. When she looked at him, though, she was serious again. “It depends on the complications, Tommy. Who are you missing?”</p><p>“Barbara,” Thomas said simply. He caught sight of a man selling cotton candy, and thought how ironic. “She loved that sugary thing,” he revealed, laughing nervously. His cousin Anna was still looking at him with a stern expression, but he was still glancing far away, as if reminiscing something from the past. “I wish I knew.”</p><p>“Knew what?” Anna asked, unable to understand whether he was talking about her own cousin being murdered or something else.</p><p>“Many things, Anna,” Thomas answered. “Who killed her… That we wouldn’t be able to come here anymore… That I would lose her.”</p><p>“It would be great if we knew our future,” she said. “But we don’t even know if we’ll survive today.”</p><p>“That’s so depressing,” he frowned.</p><p>“It’s not depressing. It’s life. And death is also part of life,” Anna concluded, checking on her baby brother who had just blabbed something. “He wants water,” she told Thomas, and he gave her Alexander’s tiny bottle. She lowered down to help him drink. “I’m also mad my cousin was murdered so brutally,” she continued. “And that we couldn’t save her.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“Why do you think there is an ‘and’?” Anna’s eyebrows rose up and she smirked. “You are right, by the way. The ‘and’ is the continuation. We can’t do anything about Barbara’s death besides from finding her killer. Why? Because we are still alive, Thomas. And there are people around us who don’t want to lose us either. You know that it’s a possibility, right? As shadowhunters. We may die in battle. We may be killed.”</p><p>“Then what do you suggest, Anna?”</p><p>“That you try to live the best life you can,” she said. “Loving people. Forgiving people.”</p><p>“What if those people hurt you?”</p><p>Anna seemed interested even more. “Are we still talking about your sister?”</p><p>Thomas debated whether or not to open up to his cousin. She wasn’t familiar with the person he was thinking about that much. “I’m talking about,” he sighed, glanced at one of the last stands before the exit, then continued. “Maybe you’ve heard from Matthew.”</p><p>“Thomas, dear. It’s true that I spend a lot of time with him, but he doesn’t spill other people’s business to me.”</p><p>“I’m talking about Cordelia’s brother,” Thomas revealed, and Anna stopped in her tracks for a moment.</p><p>“Alastair Carstairs?” she wondered out loud, and a person turned to face her as they walked. “Okay, I’ve heard about that. About what happened at Cordelia and James’ engagement party.”</p><p>“I see,” Thomas murmured. She knew. Other people were present, it wasn’t a secret.</p><p>“Why do you sound so sad?”</p><p>
  <em>Did he sound sad?</em>
</p><p>“Because we were friends,” he explained. “Or at least I thought so.”</p><p>“Thomas,” Anna said, putting a hand on his arm so he would stop the pram. “Remember what I said a few minutes ago? I talked about loving and forgiving,” she declared. “If you love Alastair, perhaps you should forgive him.”</p><p>“But what he did-“</p><p>“Whatever he said, it’s in the past. You told me that you wish you’d known Barbara would die, to spend more time with her. This also applies to Carstairs. Seeing how you’re affected by something happened four months ago, perhaps you care about him. You can’t bring Barbara back to life, but you can talk to Alastair, if you like,” she smiled, then took the pram from his hands and started walking faster.</p><p>“Where are you going, Anna? Wait!” Thomas tried to run after them, but they were fast.</p><p>“We are going home, Thomas. I don’t know about you,” she said, and winked at him.</p><p>Thomas stopped, not caring about the people who could run into him, and thought about it for a second. He knew what she was implying. He wondered if he wanted to take her advice. He had never seen it from that perspective, but perhaps she was right.</p><p>He walked towards Cornwall Gardens without a second thought.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>